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SWITZERLAND - Chapter XIV

I Leave Zurich--Comic Adventure at Baden--Soleure--M. De Chavigni--
M. and Madame * * * I Act in a Play--I Counterfeit Sickness to Attain
Happiness


M. Mote, my landlord, introduced his two sons to me.  He had brought
them up like young princes.  In Switzerland, an inn-keeper is not
always a man of no account.  There are many who are as much respected
as people of far higher rank are in other countries.  But each
country has its own manners.  My landlord did the honours of the
table, and thought it no degradation to make his guests pay for the
meal.  He was right; the only really degrading thing in the world is
vice.  A Swiss landlord only takes the chief place at table to see
that everyone is properly attended to.  If he have a son, he does not
sit down with his father, but waits on the guests, with napkin in
hand.  At Schaffhaus, my landlord's son, who was a captain in the
Imperial army, stood behind my chair and changed my plate, while his
father sat at the head of the table.  Anywhere else the son would
have been waited on, but in his father's house he thought, and
rightly, that it was an honour to wait.

Such are Swiss customs, of which persons of superficial understanding
very foolishly make a jest.  All the same, the vaunted honour and
loyalty of the Swiss do not prevent them from fleecing strangers, at
least as much as the Dutch, but the greenhorns who let themselves be
cheated, learn thereby that it is well to bargain before-hand, and
then they treat one well and charge reasonably.  In this way, when I
was at Bale, I baffled the celebrated Imhoff, the landlord of the
"Three Kings."

M. Ote complimented me on my waiter's disguise, and said he was sorry
not to have seen me officiating, nevertheless, he said he thought I
was wise not to repeat the jest.  He thanked me for the honour I had
done his house, and begged me to do him the additional favour of
dining at his table some day before I left.  I answered that I would
dine with him with pleasure that very day.  I did so, and was treated
like a prince.

The reader will have guessed that the last look my charmer gave me
had not extinguished the fire which the first sight of her had
kindled in my breast.  It had rather increased my flame by giving me
hopes of being better acquainted with her; in short, it inspired me
with the idea of going to Soleure in order to give a happy ending to
the adventure.  I took a letter of credit on Geneva, and wrote to
Madame d'Urfe, begging her to give me a written introduction, couched
in strong terms to M. de Chavigni, the French ambassador, telling her
that the interests of our order were highly involved in my knowing
this diplomatist, and requesting her to address letters to me at the
post office at Soleure.  I also wrote to the Duke of Wurtemburg, but
had no answer from him, and indeed he must have found my epistle very
unpleasant reading.

I visited the old woman whom Giustiniani had told me of several times
before I left Zurich, and although I ought to have been well
satisfied as far as physical beauty was concerned, my enjoyment was
very limited, as the nymphs I wooed only spoke Swiss dialect--a
rugged corruption of German.  I have always found that love without
speech gives little enjoyment, and I cannot imagine a more
unsatisfactory mistress than a mute, were she as lovely as Venus
herself.

I had scarcely left Zurich when I was obliged to stop at Baden to
have the carriage M. Ote had got me mended.  I might have started
again at eleven, but on hearing that a young Polish lady on her way
to Our Lady of Einseidel was to dine at the common table, I decided
to wait; but I had my trouble for nothing, as she turned out to be
quite unworthy of the delay.

After dinner, while my horses were being put in, the host's daughter,
a pretty girl enough, came into the room and made me waltz with her;
it chanced to be a Sunday.  All at once her father came in, and the
girl fled.

"Sir," said the rascal, "you are condemned to pay a fine of one
louis."

"Why?"

"For having danced on a holy day."

"Get out; I won't pay."

"You will pay, though," said he, shewing me a great parchment covered
with writing I did not understand.

"I will appeal."

"To whom, sir?"

"To the judge of the place."

He left the room, and in a quarter of an hour I was told that the
judge was waiting for me in an adjoining chamber.  I thought to
myself that the judges were very polite in that part of the world,
but when I got into the room I saw the rascally host buried in a wig
and gown.

"Sir," said he, "I am the judge."

"Judge and plaintiff too, as far as I can see."

He wrote in his book, confirming the sentence, and mulcting me in six
francs for the costs of the case.

"But if your daughter had not tempted me."  said I, "I should not have
danced; she is therefore as guilty as I."

"Very true, sir; here is a Louis for her."  So saying he took a Louis
out of his pocket, put it into a desk beside him, and said; "Now
yours."

I began to laugh, paid my fine, and put off my departure till the
morrow.

As I was going to Lucerne I saw the apostolic nuncio (who invited me
to dinner), and at Fribourg Comte d'Afri's young and charming wife;
but at ten leagues from Soleure I was a witness of the following
curious circumstances.

I was stopping the night in a village, and had made friends with the
surgeon, whom I had found at the inn, and while supper, which he was
to share with me, was getting ready, we walked about the village
together.  It was in the dusk of the evening, and at a distance of a
hundred paces I saw a man climbing up the wall of a house, and
finally vanishing through a window on the first floor.

"That's a robber," said I, pointing him out to the surgeon.  He
laughed and said,--

"The custom may astonish you, but it is a common one in many parts of
Switzerland.  The man you have just seen is a young lover who is
going to pass the night with his future bride.  Next morning he will
leave more ardent than before, as she will not allow him to go too
far.  If she was weak enough to yield to his desires he would
probably decline to marry her, and she would find it difficult to get
married at all."

At Soleure I found a letter from Madame d'Urfe, with an enclosure
from the Duc de Choiseul to the ambassador, M. de Chavigni.  It was
sealed, but the duke's name was written below the address.

I made a Court toilet, took a coach, and went to call on the
ambassador.  His excellency was not at home, so I left my card and
the letter.  It was a feast-day, and I went to high mass, not so
much, I confess, to seek for God as for my charmer, but she was not
there.  After service I walked around the town, and on my return
found an officer who asked me to dinner at the ambassador's.

Madame d'Urfe said that on the receipt of my letter she had gone
straightway to Versailles, and that with the help of Madame de
Grammont she had got me an introduction of the kind I wanted.  This
was good news for me, as I desired to cut an imposing figure at
Soleure.  I had plenty of money, and I knew that this magic metal
glittered in the eyes of all.  M. de Chavigni had been ambassador at
Venice thirty years before, and I knew a number of anecdotes about
his adventures there, and I was eager to see what I could make out of
him.

I went to his house at the time appointed, and found all his servants
in full livery, which I looked upon as a happy omen.  My name was not
announced, and I remarked that when I came in both sides of the door
were opened for me by the page.  A fine old man came forward to meet
me, and paying me many well-turned compliments introduced me to those
present.  Then, with the delicate tact of the courtier, pretending
not to recollect my name, he drew the Duc de Choiseul's letter from
his pocket, and read aloud the paragraph in which the minister
desired him to treat me with the utmost consideration.  He made me
sit on an easy chair at his right hand, and asked me questions to
which I could only answer that I was travelling for my pleasure, and
that I considered the Swiss nation to be in many respects superior to
all other nations whatsoever.

Dinner was served, and his excellency set me on his right hand in a
position of equal honour to his own.  We were sixteen in company, and
behind every chair stood a magnificent lackey in the ambassador's
livery.  In the course of conversation I got an opportunity of
telling the ambassador that he was still spoken of at Venice with the
utmost affection.

"I shall always remember," he said, "the kindness with which the
Venetians treated me; but tell me, I beg, the names of those
gentlemen who still remember me; they must be quite old now."

This was what I was waiting for.  M. de Malipiero had told me of
certain events which had happened during the regency, and M. de
Bragadin had informed me of the ambassador's amours with the
celebrated Stringhetta.

His excellency's fare was perfect, but in the pleasure of conversing
I forgot that of eating.  I told all my anecdotes so racily that his
features expressed the pleasure I was affording him, and when we rose
from the table he shook me by the hand, and told me he had not had so
agreeable a dinner since he had been at Soleure.

"The recollection of my Venetian gallantries," said the worthy old
man, "makes me recall many a happy moment; I feel quite young again."

He embraced me, and bade me consider myself as one of his family
during my stay at Soleure.

After dinner he talked a good deal about Venice, praising the
Government, and saying that there was not a town in the world where a
man could fare better, provided he took care to get good oil and
foreign wines.  About five o'clock he asked me to come for a drive
with him, getting into the carriage first to give me the best place.

We got out at a pretty country house where ices were served to us. 
On our way back he said that he had a large party every evening, and
that he hoped I would do him the honour to be present whenever it
suited my inclinations, assuring me that he would do his best to
amuse me.  I was impatient to take part in the assembly, as I felt
certain I should see my charmer there.  It was a vain hope, however,
for I saw several ladies, some old and ugly, some passable, but not
one pretty.

Cards were produced, and I soon found myself at a table with a young
lady of fair complexion and a plain-looking woman well advanced in
years, who seemed, however, not to be destitute of wit.  Though I was
looed I played on, and I lost five or six hundred fish without
opening my lips.  When it came to a profit and loss account, the
plain woman told me I owed three louis.

"Three louis, madam."

"Yes, sir; we have been playing at two sous the fish.  You thought,
perhaps, we were playing for farthings."

"On the contrary, I thought it was for francs, as I never play
lower."  She did not answer this boast of mine, but she seemed
annoyed.  On rejoining the company after this wearisome game, I
proceeded to scrutinize all the ladies present rapidly but keenly,
but I could not see her for whom I looked, and was on the point of
leaving, when I happened to notice two ladies who were looking at me
attentively.  I recognized them directly.  They were two of my fair 
one's companions, whom I had had the honour of waiting on at Zurich. 
I hurried off, pretending not to recognize them.

Next day, a gentleman in the ambassador's suite came to tell me that
his excellency was going to call on me.  I told him that I would not
go out till I had the honour of receiving his master, and I conceived
the idea of questioning him concerning that which lay next to my
heart.  However, he spared me the trouble, as the reader will see for
himself.

I gave M. de Chavigni the best reception I could, and after we had
discussed the weather he told me, with a smile, that he had the most
ridiculous affair to broach to me, begging me to credit him when he
said that he did not believe it for a moment.

"Proceed, my lord."

"Two ladies who saw you at my house yesterday told me in confidence,
after you had gone, that I should do well to be on my guard, as you
were the waiter in an inn at Zurich where they had stayed.  They
added that they had seen the other waiter by the Aar, and that in all
probability you had run away from the inn together; God alone knows
why!  They said, furthermore, that you slipped away from my house
yesterday as soon as you saw them.  I told them that even if you were
not the bearer of a letter from his grace the Duc de Choiseul I
should have been convinced that they were mistaken, and that they
should dine with you to-day, if they would accept my invitation.  I
also hinted that you might have merely disguised yourself as a waiter
in the hopes of winning some favours from them, but they rejected the
hypothesis as absurd, and said that you could carve a capon and
change a plate dexterously enough, but were only a common waiter for
all that, adding that with my permission they would compliment you on
your skill to-day.

"'Do so, by all means, ladies,' said I, "M. Casanova and myself will
be highly amused.' And now do you mind telling me whether there be
any foundation of truth in the whole story?"

"Certainly, my lord, I will tell you all without reserve, but in
confidence, as this ridiculous report may injure the honour of one
who is dear to me, and whom I would not injure for the world."

"It is true, then?  I am quite interested to hear all about it."

"It is true to a certain extent; I hope you don't take me for the
real waiter at the 'Sword.'"

"Certainly not, but I supposed you played the part of waiter?"

"Exactly.  Did they tell you that they were four in company."

"Ah, I have got it!  Pretty Madame was one of the party.  That
explains the riddle; now I understand everything.  But you were quite
right in saying that discretion was needful; she has a perfectly
blameless reputation."

"Ah! I did not know that.  What happened was quite innocent, but it
might be so garbled in the telling as to become prejudicial to the
honour of a lady whose beauty struck me with admiration."

I told him all the details of the case, adding that I had only come
to Soleure in the hopes of succeeding in my suit.

"If that prove an impossibility," said I, "I shall leave Soleure in
three or four days; but I will first turn the three ugly companions
of my charmer into ridicule.  They might have had sense enough to
guess that the waiter's apron was only a disguise.  They can only
pretend to be ignorant of the fact in the hope of getting some
advantage over me, and injuring their friend, who was ill advised to
let them into the secret."

"Softly, softly, you go too fast and remind me of my own young days. 
Permit me to embrace you, your story has delighted me.  You shall not
go away, you shall stay here and court your charmer.  To-day you can
turn two mischievous women into ridicule, but do it in an easy way. 
The thing is so straightforward that M.---- will be the first to
laugh at it.  His wife cannot be ignorant of your love for her, and I
know enough of women to pronounce that your disguise cannot have
displeased her.  She does know of your love?"

"Undoubtedly."

He went away laughing, and at the door of his coach embraced me for
the third time.

I could not doubt that my charmer had told the whole story to her
three friends as they were returning from Einsiedel to Zurich, and
this made the part they had played all the more ill-natured; but I
felt that it was to my interest to let their malice pass for wit.

I went to the ambassador's at half-past one, and after making my bow
to him I proceeded to greet the company, and saw the two ladies. 
Thereupon, with a frank and generous air, I went up to the more
malicious-looking of the two (she was lame, which may have made me
think her more ill-looking) and asked if she recognized me.

"You confess, then, that you are the waiter at the 'Sword'?"

"Well, not quite that, madam, but I confess that I was the waiter for
an hour, and that you cruelly disdained to address a single word to
me, though I was only a waiter, because I longed for the bliss of
seeing you.  But I hope I shall be a little more fortunate here, and
that you will allow me to pay you my respectful homage."

"This is very wonderful!  You played your part so well that the
sharpest eye would have been deceived.  Now we shall see if you play
your new part as well.  If you do me the honour to call on me I will
give you a good welcome."

After these complimentary speeches, the story became public property,
and the whole table was amusing itself with it, when I had the
happiness of seeing M.----  and Madame coming into the room.

"There is the good-natured waiter," said she to her husband.

The worthy man stepped forward, and politely thanked me for having
done his wife the honour of taking off her boots.

This told me that she had concealed nothing, and I was glad.  Dinner
was served, M. de Chavigni made my charmer sit at his right hand, and
I was placed between my two calumniators.  I was obliged to hide my
game, so, although I disliked them intensely, I made love to them,
hardly raising my eyes to glance at Madame , who looked ravishing.  I
did not find her husband either as old or as jealous as I had
expected.  The ambassador asked him and his wife to stay the evening
to an impromptu ball, and then said, that in order for me to be able
to tell the Duc de Choiseul that I was well amused at Soleure, he
would be delighted to have a play, if Madame would act the fair
'Ecossaise' again.  She said she should be delighted, but two more
actors were wanted.

"That is all right," said the kind old gentleman, "I will play
Montrose."

"And I, Murray," I remarked.

My lame friend, angry at this arrangement, which only left her the
very bad part of Lady Alton, could not help lancing a shaft at me.

"Oh! why isn't there a waiter's part in the play?" said she, "you
would play it so well."

"That is well said, but I hope you will teach me to play Murray even
better."

Next morning, I got the words of my part, and the ambassador told me
that the ball would be given in my honour.  After dinner I went to my
inn, and after making an elaborate toilette I returned to the
brilliant company.

The ambassador begged me to open the ball, and introduced me to the
highest born but not the most beautiful lady in the place.  I then
danced with all the ladies present until the good-natured old man got
me the object of my vows as a partner in the quadrilles, which he did 
so easily that no one could have made any remark.  "Lord Murray,"
said he, "must dance with no one but Lindane."

At the first pause I took the opportunity of saying that I had only
come to Soleure for her sake, that it was for her sake that I had
disguised myself at Zurich, and that I hoped she would permit me to
pay my addresses to her.

"I cannot invite you to my house," said she, "for certain sufficient
reasons; but if you will stay here some time we shall be able to see
each other.  But I entreat you not to shew me any marked attention in
public, for there are those who will spy upon our actions, and it is
not pleasant to be talked about.

I was quite satisfied with this, and told her that I would do all in
my power to please her, and that the most prying eyes should have
nothing to fix on.  I felt that the pleasure I looked forward to
would be rendered all the sweeter by a tincture of mystery.

I had proclaimed myself as a novice in the mimic art, and had
entreated my lame friend to be kind enough to instruct me.  I
therefore went to her in the morning, but she could only flatter
herself that hers was a reflected light, as I had opportunities for
paying my court to my charmer in her house, and however great her
vanity may have been, she must have had some suspicions of the truth.

This woman was a widow, aged between thirty and forty years, of a
jaundiced complexion, and a piercing and malicious aspect.  In her
efforts to hide the inequality of her legs, she walked with a stiff
and awkward air; and, wishing to be thought a wit, she increased her
natural dullness by a ceaseless flow of small talk.  I persisted in
behaving towards her with a great air of respect, and one day she
said that, having seen me in the disguise of a waiter, she would not
have thought I was a man of a timid nature.

"In what respect do you think me timid?" said I; to which she gave me
no answer, but I knew perfectly well what she meant.  I was tired of
my part, and I had determined to play it no more when we had acted
L'Ecossaise.

All the best people at Soleure were present at our first performance. 
The lame lady was delighted with the horror inspired by her acting;
but she might credit a great deal of it to her appearance.  M. de
Chavigni drew forth the tears of the audience, his acting was said to
be better than the great Voltaire's.  As for me, I remember how near
I was to fainting when, in the third scene of the fifth act, Lindane
said to me,

"What!  You!  You dare to love me?"

She pronounced these words with such fiery scorn that all the
spectators applauded vehemently.  I was almost put out of
countenance, for I thought I detected in her voice an insult to my
honour.  However, I collected myself in the minute's respite which
the loud applause gave me, and I replied,--- 

"Yes; I adore you!  How should I not?"  

So pathetically and tenderly did I pronounce these words that the
hall rang again with the applause, and the encores from four hundred
throats made me repeat the words which, indeed, came from my heart. 

In spite of the pleasure we had given to the audience, we judged
ourselves not perfect in our parts, and M. de Chavigni advised us to
put off our second performance for a couple of days.  

"We will have a rehearsal to-morrow at my country house," said he,
"and I beg the favour of all your companies to dinner there."

However, we all made each other compliments on our acting.  My lame
friend told me I had played well, but not so well as in the part of
waiter, which really suited me admirably.  This sarcasm got the laugh
on her side, but I returned it by telling her that my performance was
a work of art, while her playing of Lady Alton was pure nature.  
M. de Chavigni told Madame that the spectators were wrong to applaud
when she expressed her wonder at my loving her, since she had spoken
the words disdainfully; and it was impossible that Lindane could have
despised Murray.  The ambassador called for me the next day in his
carriage, and when we reached his country-house we found all the
actors assembled there.  His excellency addressed himself in the
first place to M.----, telling him he thought his business was as
good as done, and that  they would talk about it after dinner. We sat
down to table, and afterwards rehearsed the piece without any need of
the prompter's assistance.  

Towards evening the ambassador told the company that he would expect
them to supper that evening at Soleure, and everyone left with the
exception of the ambassador, myself, and M.---- and Madame----.  Just
as we were going I had an agreeable surprise.

"Will you come with me," said the Ambassador to M.---- , "we can talk
the matter over at our ease?   M. Casanova will have the honour of
keeping your wife company in your carriage."

I gave the fair lady my hand respectfully, and she took it with an
air of indifference, but as I was helping her in she pressed my hand
with all her might.  The reader can imagine how that pressure made my
blood circulate like fire in my veins.

Thus we were seated side by side, our knees pressed tenderly against
each other.  Half an hour seemed like a minute, but it must not be
thought that we wasted the time.  Our lips were glued together, and
were not set apart till we came within ten paces of the ambassador's
house, which I could have wished at ten leagues distance.  She was
the first to get down, and I was alarmed to see the violent blush
which overspread her whole face.  Such redness looked unnatural; it
might betray us; our spring of happiness would soon be dry.  The
watchful eye of the envious Alton would be fixed upon us, and not in
vain; her triumph would outweigh her humiliation.  I was at my wits'
end.

Love and luck, which have so favoured me throughout the course of my
life, came to my aid.  I had about me a small box containing
hellebore.  I opened it as if by instinct, and invited her to take a
small pinch.  She did so, and I followed her example; but the dose
was too strong, and as we were going up the stairs we began to
sneeze, and for the next quarter of an hour we continued sneezing. 
People were obliged to attribute her high colour to the sneezing, or
at least no one could give voice to any other suppositions.  When the
sneezing fit was over, this woman, who was as clever as she was
pretty, said her headache was gone, but she would take care another
time not to take so strong a dose.  I looked out of the corner of my
eye at the malicious widow, who said nothing but seemed deep in
thought.

This piece of good luck decided me on staying at Soleure till my love
was crowned with success, and I determined to take a country house. 
I shall not have much opinion of my readers if they find themselves
in my position--rich, young, independent, full of fire, and having
only pleasure to seek for--and do not follow my example.  A perfect
beauty was before me with whom I was madly in love, and who, I was
sure, shared that love.  I had plenty of money, and I was my own
master.  I thought this a much better plan than turning monk, and I
was above caring "what people would say."  As soon as the ambassador
had returned, which he always did at an early hour on account of his
advanced age, I left the company and went to see him in his private
room.  In truth I felt I must give him that confidence which he had
so well deserved.

As soon as he saw me he said,--

"Well, well, did you profit by the interview I got you?"

I embraced him, and said,--

"I may hope for everything."

When I was telling him about the hellebore he was lavish in his
compliments on my presence of mind, for, as he said, such an unusual
colour would have made people think there had been some kind of a
combat--a supposition which would not have tended towards my success.
After I had told him all, I imparted my plan.

"I shall do nothing in a hurry," said I, "as I have to take care that
the lady's honour does not suffer, and I trust to time to see the
accomplishment of my wishes.  I shall want a pretty country house, a
good carriage, two lackeys, a good cook, and a housekeeper.  All that
I leave to your excellency, as I look upon you as my refuge and
guardian angel."

"To-morrow, without fail, I will see what I can do, and I have good
hopes of doing you a considerable service and of rendering you well
content with the attractions of Soleure."

Next day our rehearsal went off admirably, and the day after the
ambassador spoke to me as follows:

"So far as I can see, what you are aiming at in this intrigue is the
satisfying of your desires without doing any harm to the lady's
reputation.  I think I know the nature of your love for her well
enough to say that if she told you that your leaving Soleure was
necessary to her peace of mind you would leave her at once.  You see
that I have sounded you well enough to be a competent adviser in this
delicate and important affair, to which the most famous events in the
annals of diplomacy are not to be compared."

"Your excellency does not do sufficient justice to a career which has
gained you such distinction."

"That's because I am an old man, my dear fellow, and have shaken off
the rust and dust of prejudices, and am able to see things as they
really are, and appreciate them at their true value.  But let us
return to your love-affair.  If you wish to keep it in the dark, you
must avoid with the greatest care any action which may awaken
suspicion in the minds of people who do not believe that anything is
indifferent.  The most malicious and censorious will not be able to
get anything but the merest chance out of the interview I procured
you today, and the accident of the sneezing bout, defy the most ill-
natured to draw any deductions; for an eager lover does not begin his
suit by sending the beloved one into convulsions.  Nobody can guess
that your hellebore was used to conceal the blush that your caresses
occasioned, since it does not often happen that an amorous combat
leaves such traces; and how can you be expected to have foreseen the
lady's blushes, and to have provided yourself with a specific against
them?   In short, the events of to-day will not disclose your secret. 
M.---- who, although he wishes to pass for a man devoid of jealousy,
is a little jealous; M.----  himself cannot have seen anything out of
the common in my asking him to return with me, as I had business of
importance with him, and he has certainly no reasons for supposing
that I should be likely to help you to intrigue with his wife. 
Furthermore, the laws of politeness would have forbidden me, under
any circumstances, offering the lady the place I offered him, and as
he prides himself on his politeness he can raise no possible
objection to the arrangement which was made.  To be sure I am old and
you are young--a distinction not unimportant in a husband's eyes.
"After this exordium," added the good-natured ambassador, with a
laugh, "an exordium which I have delivered in the official style of a
secretary of state, let us see where we are.  Two things are
necessary for you to obtain your wished-for bliss.  The first thing,
which concerns you more particularly, is to make M.----  your friend,
and to conceal from him that you have conceived a passion for his
wife, and here I will aid you to the best of my ability.  The second
point concerns the lady's honour; all your relations with her must
appear open and above-board.  Consider yourself under my protection;
you must not even take a country house before we have found out some
plan for throwing dust into the eyes of the observant.  However, you
need not be anxious; I have hit upon a plan.

"You must pretend to be taken ill, but your illness must be of such a
kind that your doctor will be obliged to take your word for the
symptoms.  Luckily, I know a doctor whose sole idea is to order
country air for all complaints.  This physician, who is about as
clever as his brethren, and kills or cures as well as any of them,
will come and feel my pulse one of these days.  You must take his
advice, and for a couple of louis he will write you a prescription
with country air as the chief item.  He will then inform everybody
that your case is serious, but that he will answer for your cure."

"What is his name?"

"Doctor Herrenschwand."

"What is he doing here?  I knew him at Paris; he was Madame du
Rumain's doctor."

"That is his brother.  Now find out some polite complaint, which will
do you credit with the public.  It will be easy enough to find a
house, and I will get you an excellent cook to make your gruel and
beef-tea."

The choice of a complaint cost me some thought; I had to give it a
good deal of attention.  The same evening I managed to communicate my
plan to Madame who approved of it.  I begged her to think of some way
of writing to me, and she said she would.

"My husband," said she, "has a very high opinion of you.  He has
taken no offence at our coming in the same carriage.  But tell me,
was it an accident or design that made M. de Chavigni take my husband
and leave us together?"

"It was the result of design, dearest."  She raised her beautiful
eyes and bit her lips.  "Are you sorry it was so?"

"Alas! no."

In three or four days, on the day on which we were going to act
L'Ecossaise, the doctor came to dine with the ambassador and stayed
till the evening to see the play.  At dessert he complimented me on
my good health, on which I took the opportunity, and told him that
appearances were deceitful, and that I should be glad to consult him
the next day.  No doubt he was delighted to be deceived in his
estimate of my health, and he said he should be glad if he could be
of any service.  He called on me at the hour agreed upon, and I told
him such symptoms as my fancy dictated; amongst other things, that I
was subject to certain nocturnal irritations which made me extremely
weak, especially in the reins.

"Quite so, quite so; it's a troublesome thing, but we will see what
can be done.  My first remedy, which you may possibly not care much
for, is for you to pass six weeks in the country, where you will not
see those objects which impress your brain, acting on the seventh
pair of nerves, and causing that lumbar discharge which no doubt
leaves you in a very depressed state."

"Yes, it certainly does."

"Quite so, quite so.  My next remedy is cold bathing."

"Are the baths far from here?"

"They are wherever you like.  I will write you a prescription, and
the druggist will make it up."

I thanked him, and after he had pouched the double-louis I slipped
politely into his hand, he went away assuring me that I should soon
experience an improvement in my health.  By the evening the whole
town knew that I was ill and had to go into the country.  M. de
Chavigni said pleasantly at dinner to the doctor, that he should have
forbidden me all feminine visitors; and my lame friend, refining on
the idea, added that I should above all be debarred access to certain
portraits, of which I had a box-full.  I laughed approvingly, and
begged M. de Chavigni, in the presence of the company, to help me to
find a pretty house and a good cook, as I did not intend to take my
meals alone.

I was tired of playing a wearisome part, and had left off going to
see my lame friend, but she soon reproached me for my inconstancy,
telling me that I had made a tool of her.  "I know all," said this
malicious woman, "and I will be avenged."

"You cannot be avenged for nothing," said I, "for I have never done
you an injury.  However, if you intend to have me assassinated, I
shall apply for police protection."

"We don't assassinate here," said she, savagely.  "We are not
Italians."

I was delighted to be relieved from the burden of her society, and
henceforth Madame was the sole object of my thoughts.  M. de
Chavigni, who seemed to delight in serving me, made her husband
believe that I was the only person who could get the Duc de Choiseul
to pardon a cousin of his who was in the guards, and had had the
misfortune to kill his man in a duel.  "This," said the kindly old
gentleman, "is the best way possible of gaining the friendship of
your rival.  Do you think you can manage it?"

"I am not positive of success."

"Perhaps I have gone a little too far; but I told him that by means
of your acquaintance with the Duchesse de Grammont you could do
anything with the minister."

"I must make you a true prophet; I will do all I can."

The consequence was that M.----  informed me of the facts in the
ambassador's presence, and brought me all the papers relative to the
case.

I spent the night in writing to the Duchesse de Grammont.  I made my
letter as pathetic as possible, with a view to touching her heart,
and then her father's; and I then wrote to the worthy Madame d'Urfe
telling her that the well-being of the sublime order of the Rosy
Cross was concerned in the pardon of a Swiss officer, who had been
obliged to leave the kingdom on account of a duel in which the order
was highly concerned.

In the morning, after resting for an hour, I went to the ambassador,
and shewed him the letter I had written to the duchess.  He thought
it excellently expressed, and advised me to skew it to M.----  I
found him with his night-cap on; he was extremely grateful for the
interest I took in a matter which was so near to his heart.  He told
me that his wife had not yet risen, and asked me to wait and take
breakfast with her.  I should have much liked to accept the
invitation, but I begged him to make my excuses to his lady for my
absence, on the pretence that I had to finish my letters, and hand
them to the courier who was just leaving.  I hoped in this way to
scatter any jealousy that might be hovering in his brain, by the
slight importance I attached to a meeting with his wife.

I went to dine with M. de Chavigni, who thought my conduct had been
very politic, and said that he was certain that henceforth M.---- 
would be my best friend.  He then skewed me a letter from Voltaire
thanking him for playing Montrose in his Ecossaise; and another from
the Marquis de Chauvelin, who was then at Delices with the
philosopher of Ferney.  He promised to come and see him after he had
been to Turin, where he had been appointed ambassador.